The Hole In The Road: The Process of Change

One of the biggest blocks I find with couples with marriage problems or whose long term relationship has run into trouble, is that they do not grasp that change, or rather transformation or lasting change, takes time.

There is a tendency for them to be intolerant and impatient with each other, rather than being allies in the process we all need to go through, to leave aside our conditioned selves and become all that we may be. It is a bit like the metamorphosis a caterpillar goes through in becoming a butterfly.

I point them to this illustration of the process of change in 5 verses, which I first came across in Charles Whitfield’s book “Healing The Child Within”

Hole in the Road

(The process of change in 5 verses)

Verse 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in

I am lost… I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Verse 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Verse 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in… it’s a habit

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately

Verse 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Verse 5

I walk down another street.

Grace Chatting

Grace Chatting is a Senior Accredited member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists. Also qualified as a Social Worker and Family Mediator, Grace has extensive experience of working with children and families as well as couples. She is also a Life Business and Executive Coach specialising in Relationship Coaching with couples whose marriages are breaking down.

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