Relationship Wheel: Holidays

Last week we used the Relationship Wheel to considered how you might raise your rating in the areas of Sex, Friends and Career; this week we are exploring Holidays, Communication and Family Time.

On a scale of 0 – 10 how would you rate the way you and your partner approach Holidaymaking?  How would you ideally wish it to be?

What does Holiday mean to you?

Starting at a bedrock level, as with most things, how we approach Holidays is to some extent influenced by how it was for us in our Family of origin. If you grew up used to having annual family holidays away, you will have gained some views and perhaps an approach to “holiday making”, for better or for worse!

On the other hand, if you grew up in a household where having holidays were not the norm, then, the idea of going away on holiday every year could seem like a waste of time and money and seem like a pure indulgence, when that time and money could be spent perhaps on the House.

It is a good idea for couples to talk through how they leaned to construe “Holidays” and notice how that might be different for each of you, then to consider how you actually want it to be.

Benefits of taking a holiday

HEALTH: The health promoting effects of taking a holiday have been well documented and include;

  • Relaxation and de-stressing therefore recharging your battery
  • More good quality sleep
  • More exercise in terms of walking and sightseeing
  • Time to watch the sunset and to feel grateful
  • Vitamin D from being in the sunshine

COUPLE RELATIONSHIP: Holidays provide the opportunity to reinstate the 3 Ts; Time, Talking and Touching which couples have a lot of at the beginning of their relationship, these are the gateway to the following

  • Shared pleasure in discovering new places and cultures which is connecting
  • Time for more intimate conversations and visioning your future life together
  • Opportunity for being more playful, laughing together and having fun
  • Adventure, doing things you wouldn’t normally do; you could even have a midnight dip and make love on the beach, or go skinny dipping early in the morning!
  • Dressing up for dinner and seeing each other looking beautiful
  • Appreciating each other more and saying so

FAMILY: Holidays provide the opportunity to spend quality time with family and;

  • Create positive memories
  • Get to know each other and allow yourself to be known
  • Allow family members to see a lighter more carefree side of you
  • Role model holiday making and how to enjoy a bit of frivolity
  • Have different conversations perhaps about different cultures and customs
  • Express appreciation and gratitude towards each other

WORK: Research shows that when people have a break away from their work and have some rest and relaxation, they tend to be more;

  • Creative
  • Efficient and productive
  • Likely to come up with new ideas
  • Friendly and sociable with colleagues

So, it is of benefit to individuals, couples and families to take a break away if they can.

Can’t afford a Holiday?

Some people suffer from ill health or disability and not everyone can afford to go on holiday.  Often these are the very people who most need to take a break. I can remember when I was a single parent and really quite impoverished; holidays were a great luxury I could rarely afford.

The advances in technology make it easier to find sources of low cost options, such as House Swaps or House sitting and also there is the Family Holiday Association If it is not possible to go away, stay positive and be creative about how you might spend the time. There are couple and family activities which are great fun and don’t cost anything such as Geocaching

Action Points

  • Get clear in your own mind how your personal history has influenced your approach to Holidaymaking and consider if this really serves you.
  • Consider what currently works for you and also how that might develp or improve
  • Share this all with your partner
  • If you have children, have a Family discussion and ask the children for their views
  • Be willing to step outside the Box in your thinking
  • Create a Bucket List and commit to helping each other over time, be able to have the holiday of their dreams
  • After these conversations, consider how you would score this aspect of your relationship. Hopefully it will have moved nearer to 10.

I would love to hear how you get on!

Watch out for the next post on Communication in your Relationship.

Happy Holidays






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