In the heirarchy of relationships, top of the list is our relationship with ourselves, then with our spouse and then the relationship with our children and family, (with some exceptions of course 🙂 )
Historically family members, studied and worked locally and would sit down together for breakfast lunch and dinner. There was a higher level of predictability and regular habits, patterns, rituals and customs formed. Parenting styles tended to be standard and stereotypical. Now many households find themselves more like the Brady Bunch, where everybody does their own thing and chaos reigns.
For the old Paradigm to work smoothly, this required for Father to go out to work and for Mother to stay at home to do all the household chores, such as bed-making, cleaning laundry ironing, shopping and food preparation. It also meant that the entire family had to rely on the man’s wage. It definitely had a downside for both men and women, and it has to be said that in the old paradigm most families had two heterosexual parents.
Now that it is necessary for women to go to work full time in order to support the family financially, old ways of managing family and household needs are no longer relevant, and old ways of addressing family problems are also no longer relevant. However, research shows that the periods first thing in the morning when everyone is trying to find their socks and PE kit, and the period between 5-7 pm are like bedlam in many families. How about yours?
Fortunately, a few enterprising individuals in the software development industry have come up with the idea of integrating the core concepts and values of the Agile project management system to families with amazing results reported.
There are a few main concepts such as, setting up a Family HQ Board, Scrum i.e. daily iterations, weekly review, and the family is the unit of focus rather than individuals.
Scrum is about having short daily and weekly times checking in as a family each morning to ask four questions,
What did we do well yesterday?
What could’ve been done better?
What are we committed to today?
What do we need to do that?
The weekly review, is kept short to approximately 20 minutes, and the family focuses on the above four questions in relation to the previous week and the week ahead.
Many of the couples/parents whom I see run into difficulties because they never learned how to negotiate. This is because their parents role-modelled giving orders. Here are some of the benefits of applying the Agile system to families to break this unhelpful example;
Teaching, Learning and developing negotiation skills for both adults and children
Teaching, learning and developing collaboration skills
Developing, teaching, management skills.
Establishing a culture of connection and appreciation in the family and between family members.
Promotes the development of self sufficiency and taking personal responsibility
Develops Social , Emotional and Relational Intelligence
Implementing these principles in your family, sounds simple, but does require a degree of patience. The good news is that there are a number of tools and tips to help you with this, which I shall write about in another article 🙂
Grace Chatting has a professional background in Social Work with children and families. She is a qualified psychotherapist, family mediator, relationship coach,divorce coach, marriage mentor and women’s group leader. She is author of the Amazon No 1 Bestseller Mend It Don’t End It. If you would like to work with Grace, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org